*Note: The following is fiction – or is it?
Rick Anderson and Ron Gardenhire, pitching coach and manager of the beleaguered Minnesota Twins are desperate for some help. They are requesting that anyone with information leading to the whereabouts of the strike zone contact them immediately. Twins pitchers have been unable to locate the strike zone this year at an alarming rate.
Gardenhire insisted that the mysterious disappearance of the strike zone is leading to his hair turning from "white" to "gone." Anderson belabored the fact that his jaw is fatigued from chomping on his gum excessively after being forced to witness walk upon walk issued to opposing batters. He may even need to spend some time on the Disabled List with something called “Bilateral Jaw Weakness.”
The duo even went so far as scheduling tryouts for a group of softball pitchers next week in an attempt to find someone who will “pitch to contact” and won’t issue senseless walks at breakneck speed. In a related story, Gardenhire has recently refused Michael Cuddyer’s persistent attempts at “giving it a shot from the mound.” No word yet, however, on whether Cuddyer will coach 3rd Base.
Please, Twins fans, help these guys out any way you can!
No comments:
Post a Comment